When you write your donors a letter, send the quarterly newsletter, invite them to splendid event or send them your e-newsletter, what do you call your donors?

“Our donors deserve our respect! We must use their formal titles.”

I realize I’m not a 65-year-old major donor, but when I get mail addressed to Mrs. Bartlett, I laugh. Even the kids I teach a Fiber Arts class to don’t call me Mrs. Bartlett. My bonus-son’s high school teachers all go by their first names.

“Yes, but our donors are older, they like to be called Mr. and Mrs.”

Perhaps. But not by their friends. Certainly not by their family.

And whether Mr. John Smith is writing a $100 check as a response to your direct mail appeal or a $2.7 million stock transfer to your capital campaign, if he’s your donor, he’s your friend. More than that, he’s a member of your family.

Donors give because they’ve made an emotional connection with your cause. They give to make the world a better place, even in a small way. And if you’d like them to keep giving (which I suspect you do), then keep their hearts open toward you. Treat them like beloved family.

Also keep in mind that, according to Jeff Brooks in The Fundraiser’s Guide to Irresistible Communications, women outnumber men as donors 2-to-1. Being called “Mrs.” makes you feel old. And no woman wants that. You might as well call them “Ma’am.”

What did you call me?

While we’re on the subject of addressing donors, remember that not all of us go by our legal first name. My husband is known only as Geoffrey to police officers and our public library. He’s Adam to everyone else.

Fundraising expert, Tom Ahern, really dislikes being called “Thomas.” He simply doesn’t use his full name. And he doesn’t want charities to address him as Tom. It’s a turn off. Which isn’t something you want to do when you’re developing a relationship with someone who’s keeping your organization’s doors open with their donations.

Ladies first—always

And when you’ve finished the debate on whether or not to include donors’ names in your annual report (Kivi Leroux Miller says she could do without it, but admits none of us are sure whether or not it’s truly ineffective), consider this: if you insist on calling your donors Mr. and Mrs. Someone, Miss. Manners says that etiquette requires the lady’s name to go first.

So it might just be easier, more effective and have much less potential for alienating folks through error to call them by their first and last names. So that would be Joanna Bartlett and Adam Miller, please.